Hello Friends!
I’m so grateful that you’re here with me in my little corner of the internet.
I’m currently sitting on my kitchen floor and eating leftover charcuterie as Golden Girls plays in the background. Thus has become my ritual when I feel like “I don’t know what to do.” And let me tell you, dear reader, I have finished the series twice over these past few months alone.
Something that I’ve come to know about myself is that I have a pattern of using “I don’t know” as a mechanism of disempowerment. I’ve used it to procrastinate and to evade things completely. I’ve used it often, especially in my creative pursuit. I always felt like other people knew, but I didn’t. And it was because I was never given the answers or didn’t have the resources or or or…
It wasn’t until recently that I recognized this pattern; I had grown comfortable within “I don’t know” because it relinquished any kind of responsibility I’d have to claim in owning my power. “I don’t know” allowed me to stay where I was, distant from everything I’d dreamed of, with hands up in obstinance and unwillingness. “I don’t know” kept me safe, kept me protected, from approaching the infinite possibility of the unknown.
This comfortable place of not knowing became resolute. But beneath everything, lay a distrust in my own capabilities and instincts- an incorrect belief that I was not capable of doing what I dreamed of nor did I have the capacity to figure it out.
Fear is a camouflage e x p e r t.
Once I realized this, a tiny thought came to me- but what if you did? What if you did know? What if you were ready? What if you, sitting on the kitchen floor eating adult lunchables and watching Golden Girls is all that you need?
Owning your power is uncomfortable when it’s a new experience. We owe ourselves the grace and understanding of this learning curve as we take small, baby steps into our power and into our being.
Now, when I catch myself succumbing to helplessness with “I don’t know,” I ask myself that question- what if you did know? Then I declare “I do know!” and make it up along the way or resolve to find the answer. (Or I say “It’s okay that you don’t know,” and do the thing anyway. Sometimes it’s helpful to flail.)
I’ve struggled with this creatively because I always thought the answers were outside of myself: an instruction manual with outlines, steps, and guarantees. No such luck. It’s up to us to create our own manual and to remember that books come in messy drafts and often start as scrawls on cocktail napkins or in iPhone notes and as a smattering of ideas, like spaghetti to a wall. That eventually, with the help of others, do they become polished best sellers.
All of this to say. Thank you for being with me. My hope is that together, we will all baby step into our power, making creative decisions for ourselves and acting as if we know what we’re doing. That eventually, our steps will become strides.
When you know, you know. ✨
kelseylistens | what I’m listening to 🎶
I made a cute lil playlist to jumpstart your January!
Featuring the The Brand New Heavies and one of my favorite songs to usher in the new year, Tomorrow by Miner. This song has offered me so much relief during quarantine, it truly feels like a rejuvenating rain. I hope it brings you as much cleansing as it did for me. Music is such a delicious creative world for me and I can’t wait to explore it with you!
Cheers to baby stepping into our power, friends.
We got this!
Grateful,
Kelsey💖